May 12, 2010

It occurred to me again this morning that my life is so much the ‘boat tossed in the wind’ kind of life.   There are all kinds of things that ‘toss’ my life up for grabs…or at least the emotional state within which I choose to live it.

I woke up early enough to spend some time reading a couple of chapters of Acts, and to then write out some prayers and thoughts that were on my heart.  “May I respond to life around me as though I was captured in your grace for me.  As the sun warms the cold earth; may your Son lead, warm, and inspire me in this day…” I wrote as I prayed.

All was good until the doors of the house started to open.  Then, just like the old cassette tapes when they got stuck…life begins to unwind.  Kids up before they are supposed to be.  Lists of things to get done before our impending vacation.  I’m sensing something ‘funky’ in the air between Kathy and me.  So much for being warmed and inspired…it is now about survival.  I have to take care of myself.  I have to guard me.  Smaller and smaller and smaller I become until I’m sitting on this little emotional island a long way from my Savior’s warmth.  I’m kindling the fires of my own self pity, trying to keep from freezing to death…

How will I live?  Whose words will I respond to?  Will I live in the Grace and Love of my Father or the voices around and inside me?  How will I live?

Nate