Wednesday, November 18, 2009

If you really want to criticize me, criticize my performance. Attack my effort and my desire, and you will have quite effectively attacked me at the core. You can say, ‘don’t take it personal’ or ‘this isn’t meant to be personal’… but IT will be. And I will gladly take IT that way, run with IT, keep myself up at night with IT, beat myself sick with IT, and (like a dog to his vomit) return to IT again in the morning. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t like it this way. I have often prayed that I would be different, thicker skinned or something…but that simply doesn’t seem to be me.

Me. I get my feelings hurt, and I think I’m beginning to like it that way. Did you know that ‘nothing’ can ‘make’ you feel a certain way – it is in some way a choice, it is under our control or lack thereof.

I have obsessed (or meditated) of late about ‘freedom in Christ.’ The little book that Paul wrote to the church in Galatia has absolutely captured me. I didn’t know why until recently writing out some thoughts in a journal. On the one hand, I felt very much under attack with regards to my performance…on the other…God was bringing me to a well of his truth and asking me to drink. Drink of His life and love and freedom that is in no way connected to my performance, my effort, or my desire. Drink, drink, drink until the question marks of your performance are satisfied…then come drink again.

Nate